Category Archives: Travel

Day 21 – Around the corner

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Has it really been 3 weeks already??

I was looking at the calendar yesterday and realised that I have only 2 Sundays more before I board that plane back home. Although, this little town right here has always feel like a second home to me the minute I arrived at the doorstep of my landlord’s (ok ok fine, if we were strictly speaking factual stuff, it took me a few hours after that arrival and some sleep before I actually felt like it’s second home to me).

Reflecting on my experience so far, it felt like the first 2 weeks was spent feeling like I don’t want the 1 month to end. Which is kinda self defeating because that felt like I had wasted the initial 2 weeks worrying about the inevitable, which is going to come anyway. It was only towards the tip end of the 2 weeks that my highly strung “oh my god this wholesome awesome goodness is going to end SOON” mind began to relax and accepted the fact. I think it had mainly to do with allowing my mind to soak in and process everything that is happening. Even if from the outside, a person who has no idea of the Ashtanga practice much less the daily in and outs of being a KPJAYI student might feel like there is not much going on aside from the 6 times weekly practice, there is a LOT that is happening within that short space of 1.5-2 hours in the shala every single day and that alone was enough to keep me overwhelmed for the rest of the day, on some days.

In my first 2 weeks of arrival, my challenge was merely trying my hardest to draw in all my senses inwards during practice. In a downward dog, I’m easily distracted by that girl with the splaying arms in her chaturranga. My mind was kept busy thinking “oh girl, you are going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that”. It took me a while to be able to remove and humbly place down my ‘teacher’s’ cap. Here I am the student. 100%. And my perspective needed to change as observer without a wanting to correct, change or share my opinions about someone else’s practice. Because frankly, as a student, it is not my place. And then there was the constant instructions coming from Saraswathi, calling out to the next student, “you catching?” referring to Marichyasana D more often than not, or “you, what are you doing?” and that “you” was always enough to make feel “is she talking to me??” followed by that 50/50 indecision of whether I should look up and towards where her voice was coming from, risking altogether looking like the distracted, kaypohchi student that I was or not looking up at all and just continuing with whatever I was doing like as if the comment might’ve been for someone else.

9 out of 10 times it was meant for someone else. The one time I decided to continue, the girl on the next mat had to turn around and nudge me whispering ‘I think she’s talking to you’ which of course resulted me in sitting up as quickly as I could (the correct term would most probably be popping up) followed by a meek ‘sorry?’. Because truth be told, my level of respect for her is deep enough that she actually infers some sort of a mixture of respect/fear/awe towards me. It turns out, I got my next pose on that day. “Tomorrow, you do Garbha”.

I have been doing Garbha a few times in my Mysore practice back in KL. So it wasn’t an entirely new thing for me. But just that feeling of being handed the next pose by this respected woman, I felt like I wanted to go skipping down those stairs pumping my fist in the air crying out WOOHOO to the coconut man standing outside.

I love it here, There is no doubt about that. But I also have a life back home. And that can’t possibly stop while I am here. And so after practice, there are days where H and I will be locked in intense discussions about where we are taking this little “baby” of ours, or I will be sorting out my November teaching schedule, or answering someone’s Whatsapp about an upcoming class.

And it occurred to me, my biggest 2 challenges became so crystal clear while I am here. Allowing myself to be entirely present in the moment (without thinking about tomorrow, next month, or WHEN I am coming back here), and secondly, practicing non judgement when I finally get into the zone of the present moment. Like when I am finally paying attention to the group’s conversation and it veers to a specific pose, a specific something about the practice, and I think “practice, practice, practice, why is everyone talking about their practice again?”

Sometimes I believe, these are just the knee-jerk reaction to cope with new environments. new people and new experiences. I do believe the mind in some ways need to be able to link back an experience to an understanding which already exist, it demands new things to be categorised neatly in a box so that it doesn’t become too overwhelmed. And because of this, more than ever, it is a time which demands keen observation of the mind.

Life in Mysore has been gentle. Like a warm cradling arm of a mother to a child. The days melt and blend into one another that somedays you forget what day or date it is. Most days that doesn’t really matter. It allows me to truly pin point the things that I needed to focus on. 2 weeks is a long time to allow the mind to settle in, even if from day 1 physically I fit right into the place. But it is what it is, and it is a nice feeling to finally accept that as with all things, this too shall pass..

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Day 9 – When is it coming?

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Part of what made me fell in love with the practice was the idea of commitment, consistency and perseverance which Ashtanga demands before you are rewarded with the fruits of your labour. These fruits come in the form of self-accomplishment, and a deeper understanding and acceptance of your own possibilities.

Guruji was known to have said this to his students when he was alive, “practice, practice, practice and all is coming”.

I was excited when I saw glimpses of this truth manifesting in my practice when I begin my daily Mysore classes at Upward. From Navasana (boat pose), I was given, and this I am describing in my own words and perception, the notorious Bhujapidasana (shoulder pressure pose). One of the gate or ‘peak’ poses in the Ashtanga Primary Series. I lost count of the number of times I had to awkwardly untangle myself from the pose because my body just could not register the level of strength required to pull myself out of it into a Bakasana (crow pose) AND jump back from there.

A few days later, I figured out how to come up without untangling myself. But I kept falling on my bum. And believe me, with my bony frame, it was literally bones against the mat over and over again. Thank God for those well padded Black Pro Manduka mats. My head would come up and I would move to the instruction of either of my teachers (“straighten your legs, pick up your bum, straighten those legggsss”) and BOOM I would fall. And there are days when doing one of those was enough and I would much rather lie flat on my mat after and she would smile slightly and say, “try, 3 more times”.

THREE more times?! My wrists felt like it was about to detach itself and run away to be the understudy for Idle Hands movie.

But I did. Grunting. Breathing like my life depended on it. There was no ease in that pose. Definitely no sukham in those few long minutes. A little over a week later, I came up. Bum up. Stayed up. And I eased (or at least tried to channel some ‘ease’) into something that resembled a Bakasana, and stepped back. All in a little over a week of 6 times a week practice, plus a few more moon days in between.

And so I had thought, by coming here, and being so close to the source itself would help me progress faster. I am coming into week 2 of my 1 month stay. At the back of my head I am filled with a slight but very real pressure of returning home having completed the entire Primary series. But my practice seemed to be just at Supta Kurmasana and everyday I am hoping Saraswathi would say “Tomorrow you try Garbha” which is the next pose in the series. Everyday I approach my Shirshasana (headstand) with a deep resentment and a splinter of hope because I know how it will be. Halfway and I am stuck. That hope is mostly a little bit of courage to try to balance on my own. But mostly it fizzles out as soon as I am on the tip of my toes. Or these days, I catch the attention of David, her assistant, and he kindly helps me with the full headstand and the pike headstand. Supporting me and ensuring I don’t go flipping backwards and shock the entire room with a big bang.  I feel like I could write a whole entire book about my journey into trying to stand and balance on my head. It has been 2 years and I can’t help but feel that typical ‘dang! is there something inherently wrong in my physiology that it’s taking me this long? When is it coming already??”. What took others a few days to learn (I have seen this happening personally), I am still struggling with. 2 years later and I have progressed forward at the rate of a very sleepy tortoise. Maybe that is the challenge that I have to face. To detach myself of the desire to progress at MY own timeframe, but rather allowing it to happen on its own. Perhaps.

Day 7 – Clarity of Intentions

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These past few days feels like the upheaval of feelings which I never knew existed within me. An intense and focused practice coupled with the new environment and being away from home has a tendency to do so to almost any yoga practitioners I know. I had expected this, but I hadn’t thought it would come so soon.

So many different thoughts crossed through my mind since I started practicing here in Mysore. From “I feel like I could progress faster at home, why am I here again??” to “I don’t think I’m going to learn anything new here” to “So ok now it seems pretty much real that my spine is not as normal as everyone else, right, now that headstand seems like lightyears away from me”.

Amazing how easily the ego takes over of all sensibility, clouds the clarity of my initial intentions of coming here and deciding to study with Saraswathi (to deepen my practice, to be closer to the source of origin, to the lineage of Ashtanga). Saraswathi is the daughter to Shri K Pattabhi Jois who founded the system of Ashtanga Yoga as it is known today. He passed away in 2009. Certainly, I could not get any much more closer to the source than this. It doesn’t help either that there are common conversational topics surrounding authorizations and certifications which can only be given to you by Guruji’s grandson and director of KPJAYI, Sharath. And this is only likely if you were to be studying directly with him.

It doesn’t matter if my initial intentions of coming to Mysore does not include getting an authorization, it doesn’t matter all that I ever want by coming here is to remove myself from my hectic daily schedule and focus entirely on my practice, it seems like NOW I should be focusing my efforts on getting an authorization too.

So much for independent thinking.

I do understand these struggles are minor, though very real in its essence. I realise it is one of those things that I will need to face and work through one way or the other. Whether it’s through having a sudden desire to ‘get authorized’ or the full acceptance of my physiology and working my practice to support rather than worsen the situation. I am lucky in that I am surrounded by people who understands these challenges that may clearly appear extremely trivial to others. H here has been straight up with her advice, kind but straightforward nevertheless. It seemed like a prophecy when she told me on the first day we arrived “Be clear on your intentions of being here because as the days roll by, it is very easy to forget why you are here in the first place”. I had no idea what she was referring to then, but heck I think I’m starting to understand now.

D,  I suppose picked up on the vibes from our chats that he decided to call today to tell me of his own yoga journey. I hadn’t heard his voice since his last visit in August and what a breath of fresh air it felt like. “Just remember that you are there to reset and refocus on your own intentions to teach, so that you can come back and share these with others. Don’t worry what others are doing”.

And that was precisely the root of all these busy thoughts. Distractions. Which then clouds my own clarity. When I was telling H today about my observation of another Ashtangi, her amused reaction was “you notice a LOT of things around you during your practice! I wonder where your drishti is!”. Ah. Exactly. My drishti, my point of focus has been everywhere but on the point I should be focusing on. It is the reason why I noticed other people’s practice but manage to forget 4 full standing poses from my own. It is the reason why I feel scattered and not grounded in my own practice. And it is precisely the reason why I am wanting things that I never really actually want in the first place.

And so tomorrow, I shall begin Day 8 with 2 things in mind. Drishti and mindfulness. I am hoping for the best.

What are your distraction? And what are your initial intentions that you felt is now lost beneath all the distractions?