Denise asked me this morning at brunch if I am still updating my blog. It has been 3 days since my last entry, and I do realise that the gap between each entry is growing wider. Not quite sure what exactly to attribute it to but I have been feeling a little worn down in the last couple of day. Worn down more so physically but also a little on the emotions too.
I have been thinking what life will be like when I go back after this course is up. Will my lifestyle be the same as it was before I left? Will it change? When will I find the time slot for me to comfortably commit my daily practice? Will I be able to teach as soon as I am back?
Will I be able to teach. That has been a question resonating throughout my thoughts daily, whether it’s me sitting through a class, watching adjustments being done to other YITs OR being adjusted when I am in my pose, or when I am struggling through the final counts whilst holding a side plank.
Karen, our anatomy teacher arrived on Monday and we began our first anatomy class yesterday. Our daily schedule has switched up slightly from the last week to allow for enough time to cover the anatomy module. And of course I have been excited all along as I feel the knowledge that comes from anatomy will complement our existing practice, and puts forth the scientific inquiry into each of the movements that we do everyday.
I learned yesterday that I have a cervical lodosis, which really means my head juts forward due to an exaggerated curve at the top of my spine. This also means when I stand in my tadasana (mountain pose) my ears is not aligned to my shoulder, and I am prone to migraines. Well that explains all those unfounded bouts of migraines I used to have which I thought was due to stress all along. My posture, according to Karen is natural and not habitual (phew!) and can be corrected by building muscle strength in my back shoulders. In other words, by doing more chaturangas. FUN.
For the rest of the day, I was thinking well how can I become a good teacher if I can’t even stand properly?
Enter Kosta’s practice in the evening. I carried through the sullen mood into his class and only gave about 40% of my effort into each poses. Mostly because I had the ‘little gremlin’ in my head questioning the point of each poses when I can’t even stand up correctly. I was down and wanted the dinner to just come around already. But towards the end, Kosta had each of us meditate to the chants of our own “OM” for 9 times. And since I made the personal choice to omit chanting out of my practice, I had the honor of listening to the waves of “OM” being chanted by my classmates. It was really cool listening to the wave build up and recede and eventually build up again as everyone chants at their own pace.
The final chant came from Clinton, when everyone else was done with theirs and already in Shavasana. He went into it for a full 2 seconds before realising there was no one else chanting with him and stumbled which got the rest of the class guffawing in laughter..while in shavasana! What a breath of fresh air it was as it lifted the mood in the air, and lighten up my own sombre outlook for the evening.
It reminded me that sometimes, all we need is just a good laugh. As for the posture, I will get my chaturangas right and I will build enough muscles strength to correct the lodosis. As Karen kept saying in her class yesterday “you might not be able to a Hanuman (splits) today, but it will come”.
It will come. 3 words that I am holding on to for the rest of this course, if not the rest of my practice for as long as I live. Namaste.